Parents sometimes ask if their children can decide which parent to live with after a divorce. While children certainly may have opinions, wise parents will make sure the child does not become the ultimate decision-maker.
A child has the right to love and have a good relationship with both parents. When well-intentioned parents ask a child to decide where to live, that child is placed in a terrible position. The child knows that by choosing one parent, she is going to hurt the feelings of the other parent. She may also worry that the other parent will be mad at her. Even if the parents reassure the child that no one will be upset with her choice, she still feels the stress. It’s little wonder that some kids, when faced with this choice become angry and run from the room.
We all have had experiences from childhood where two friends will insist that we choose one of them as the “best friend.” When we picked one, the other typically said something like “We’re not friends anymore.” True friends never require us to declare our loyalty to them, and wise parents should not do so either.
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